The Body Remembers What the Heart Tries to Forget
I remember lying next to him, staring at the ceiling, a huge knot in my throat.
The silence between us was louder than any argument we’d ever had. My chest felt tight. My jaw was clenched. My body was screaming “Leave”—but my mind whispered, “Just give it more time.”
I wasn’t in love anymore. I was in a loop.
Waking up, pretending to be affectionate, laughing at half-hearted jokes, silencing my (sexual) needs so I wouldn’t rock the boat. I had become a ghost in my own relationship. And I stayed.
Why?
Because even though I was hurting, the thought of leaving felt like walking off a cliff into failure.
⸻
The Body Clings to the Familiar—Even When It Hurts
In somatic therapy, we often say: “The body keeps the score.” (I recommend the book)
It stores memories, patterns, and pain long after the mind has rationalized them away.
When you grow up learning that love means proving your worth… or staying quiet to keep the peace… or tolerating disrespect because “at least you’re not alone”—your nervous system wires itself around those beliefs.
Even when we know a relationship isn’t healthy, our body has memorized it. The routine, the energy, the emotional rhythm. Breaking away feels like a threat to safety—not because it actually is—but because it’s unfamiliar.
So we stay.
This is where my EXTREME chronic neck pain entered my life. There was no accident to blame, no sudden move that slipped a disc… just one day I woke up and there it was- severe emotional and physical pain.
⸻
Fear Disguises Itself as Hope
We call it “working through things.”
We say, “they have a good heart.”
We remind ourselves of the good days, the laughter, the shared memories—because the brain clings to what feels rewarding, even when it’s inconsistent or rare.
Neurochemically, relationships like these can mirror addiction. The emotional highs and lows activate dopamine and cortisol, creating a cycle where you chase connection and fear abandonment all at once.
You’re not weak. You’re wired.
⸻
Somatic Truth: The Body Knows Before the Mind Admits It
The body is honest.
• That knot in your stomach before they walk in the door?
• The way your shoulders tense every time you speak your truth?
• How your breath shallows when you’re holding back tears or words?
These are not random. They are signals.
When we ignore them, we disconnect from our intuition. When we listen, we begin to reclaim our power.
⸻
Leaving Is a Somatic Process, Not Just a Decision
When I finally chose to leave, it wasn’t a sudden epiphany. It was a slow return to myself.
It looked like:
• Taking deep breaths instead of stuffing down emotions.
• Placing a hand on my heart when shame crept in.
• Moving my body—walking, stretching, dancing—when I wanted to freeze or disappear.
• Crying in safe spaces without apologizing for it.
The healing began when I stopped making my pain the enemy and started letting my body lead the way out.
⸻
You Deserve a Relationship Where Your Body Feels Safe
Not just tolerated. Not just “loved” in name.
But held. Seen. Free.
Love should not feel like walking on eggshells.
It should feel like coming home to yourself—not abandoning yourself to keep someone else comfortable.
If you’re reading this and feeling a lump in your throat, a stirring in your chest, or a soft inner whisper saying “this is me”—honor it. That’s not weakness. That’s your truth knocking.
And truth, when met with compassion, becomes freedom.
⸻
I’ve been there, (more than once) and I know the deep, dark pain of it all- loving someone, but knowing it is time to go because the relationship is destroying you mentally and physically. It is NOT easy to have the courage to walk straight into the fear of leaving but I KNOW it is possible! And let me tell you, IT FEELS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN!
Once I set my boundaries and put ME first, the most incredible human being came into my life and shows me everyday what it feels like to be heard, seen and unconditionally loved!
IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE THAT WANTS IT!
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to start choosing you.
One breath. One step. One act of self-trust at a time.
Email me anytime! I want to help.
I highly recommend reading-
FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY
Be the first to comment